A Fresh Word

I've recently blogged about feeling restless. It went a little deeper than that. I'm ashamed to admit now that this restlessness had stretched into the realm of motherhood to the point where I didn't even want to work on letters, numbers, or colors with Isaac. I just trudged along through the basics of taking care of the boys day in and day out: changing diapers, preparing bottles and meals, reading books (though I didn't even want to do that anymore), singing the same songs, naptime, baths, bedtime, etc. I really felt like I was in a rut, that I wasn't cut out for being a stay-at-home mom. I began to reconsider my thoughts on homeschooling thinking, "I'll never survive if I don't send these kids off to school!" I started to feel guilty that I was just doing enough to "get by" as a mom to these boys. I began feeling anxious, and a little depressed, that I would be adding one more to the brood this fall.

So what changed?

I went to church alone today because the boys had a rough night sleeping last night, but it was my turn to work in the nursery. Believe me, as soon as I realized it was my Sunday in the nursery, I got a really bad attitude about the whole thing. I mean, a really bad attitude. But I went. I took a seat in the very back row because, going along with my bad attitude, I had worn simple jeans and a sweatshirt. I figured I wasn't about to get dressed up to work in the nursery. Of course, as soon as I walked in worship had already begun, and it's impossible not to get caught up in that wonderful atmosphere of worship at Covenant. Already my heart began to soften.

Next was prayer and annoucements. We prayed for one of the pastor's grandson in Germany in need of supernatural healing, as Bishop put it. I almost began sobbing immediately. I just can't even hear about another kid who is in the hospital or seriously ill or anything like that ever since having children of my own without getting emotional. My defenses continued to come down.

It was also announced that there would be a workday this Saturday in preparation for a soup kitchen, food pantry, and clothing ministry to be started at the church. When I resigned from my position at West Penn to devote my life to my family, I thought it'd be a good idea to use my skills as a dietitian in some volunteer efforts, should any arise. I thought of food pantries in the area as a place to possibly start. This announcement that my church may soon run a food pantry really piqued (sp?) my interest. Now I was actually getting excited.

Then I made my way to the nursery. There were actually more adults than children in there for some reason today. I spent most of my time talking to a woman named Robin who has a son just a few months younger than Isaac. Just the womanly commradarie (sp?) that was shared in the nursery today helped to transform my attitude in a big way. But I still wasn't there yet.

Cynthia, the lady who runs the nursery, offered to let me go home, as she obviously had plenty of help, and the service was almost over. I gladly accepted! Keith told me before I left that he intended to take the boys to my parents this afternoon so I could take a nap (remember, the boys did not sleep well last night and, therefore, neither did I). Feeling somewhat rejuventated, however, I decided to call him to make sure he didn't want me to come to my parents anyway. He left it up to me, so I decided to stick to my original plan, kind of. I was still going to lay down, but after I spent some time in prayer.

As I mentioned before, I'm keeping a small prayer journal for my kids and my niece and nephew, and I started rereading The Power of a Praying Parent as a sort of a prayer guide. At the end of each chapter in that book, the author gives five scriptures one might use in praying for their child(ren). Two verses completely melted away my bad attitude and even gave me a newfound energy and purpose as a stay-at-home mom. That is the power of God's word! They are...

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Psalm 127:3

Children are not a misery, a curse, or a burden, as I've been feeling they are lately. They are a gift and a reward!

They will not labor in vain,

Or bear children for calamity;

For they are the offspring of those blessed by the Lord,

And their descendants with them.

Isaiah 65:23

I do not labor in vain! I am not bearing these children for trouble or misfortune! We are blessed!