Perhaps I Will Stop at 2 After All

So, it was about 10:30am. Isaac and I were outside on the deck playing while Josiah was napping. Well, of course, Josiah woke up from his nap early, crying. So I had to get Isaac inside so I could go upstairs and try to settle Josiah. I can usually get him to go back to sleep. Ha ha.

I take Isaac inside and it turns into a full blown tantrum. So I go upstairs anyway to try & settle Josiah, and I bet I could have, but for Isaac's wailing. Every time Isaac would shriek, Josiah would open his eyes again. So I laid Josiah down in the hope that he might fall back to sleep on his own. Hey, I can dream can't I? And I took Isaac back outside.

Within 5-10 minutes Josiah was screaming again. So I brought Isaac inside again only this time I put Sesame Street on TV. The TV is never on so I thought this might be just enough novelty to distract him while I take my time in putting Josiah back to sleep. Well that wasn't working. Isaac wouldn't let me go. So I put him in the playpen for a sort of time-out while I went upstairs with Josiah again.

After 8 minutes I had Josiah back to sleep, but Isaac was fit to be tied. I took him out of the playpen, tried cuddling him, giving him a soft blanket, his water, etc. He wasn't having it. Obviously I wasn't going to take him back outside again if this is the way he was going to react everytime we came back inside. I mean, we would have had to come inside eventually anyway. So I removed our shoes and jackets and continued to try and pacify Isaac.

Do you know what finally settled him down? A banana. He spotted one on the counter, reached for it, and peacefully sat on the chaise lounge in the living room to eat it. (This was the second banana of the day, mind you. He almost always has one for breakfast.)

At last, both boys were settled and at peace with the universe!

Then just as Isaac was finishing the last bite of his banana, Josiah woke up again. On our way to the garbage can to throw the peel away Isaac grabbed another banana off of the counter top. I was not going to allow him to eat 3 bananas in 1 morning, so I took it off of him and put it back in the basket. So of course, Isaac started freaking out again. And there I was, making a bottle, with Josiah screaming upstairs and Isaac screaming right in front of me.

It would be easier to go back to work.

This is why I can't get any help, and I feel so all alone. No one else can handle this. I am alone in this everyday, by choice. Like I said, it would be easier to go back to work and let someone else deal with this. But daycare is too expensive and my parents could never handle it. This is my life.

I know in a couple of years I'll forget days like these and only remember the good ones, the sweet and precious days when Josiah never wakes up early from his naps and stays on schedule all day and Isaac is just so blessedly well-behaved all day long without a single tantrum. Then I'll say to Keith, "Let's have another baby." Here we go again.

I've always wanted 4 children. Two didn't seem like enough. I've always wanted my kids to have lots of siblings to lean on when my husband and I are gone. Three is an odd number. What would it be like going to Kennywood? What about that "middle child" syndrome? Four seemed just right.

After mornings like this though I think, "Maybe I will stop at 2 after all!"